I finally feel like I have just started to find a little piece of mind and tranquility.
My first two months here were crazy. I probably shouldn't be telling you that, but it is true. Is it really thatttt surprising? All by myself (well I have my family close by) in a different country, with new food, new lifestyles, cultural norms, personalities, well.... basically different everything. While Mexican culture is not new to me, I have never expierenced it in this way. I wanted to take everything in at once and to the fullest, the tastes, feelings and experiences... It was all so tempting. So many new things to learn, so many people to meet, so many things to try.
At the same time that this was all happening, I of course was also was experiencing a number of challenges. Lack of punctuality and respect for meetings, not eating lunch or eating lunch at 3pm, not being with the people I love and the double meanings of EVERTHING anyone says. Put those things together and you have a strong woman who has just transformed into a feather that never touches the ground, being pushed and pulled by even the slightest gust of wind.
Finally realizing this, I decided that I couldn't continue with this lifestyle and be truly happy. That in order to really do what I came here to do, learn with all my heart and mind and server others, I needed to be strong and grounded. I sat down and wrote all my goals for my time here in Mexico, I wrote down who I am along with all the things I care about most and I posted them on my wall in my room. They are still here in my, helping me stay true to myself.
Since I decided to take better care of myself and ground myself in who I am, I have been much more at ease and less crazy. I have obviously started to write more, I've been reading more, I've even done some painting. I love my classes and school is an amazing challenge that I love accepting every day.
I feel like every moment I am learning something new that is helping me become a more thoughtful, patient and loving person. After realizing this VERY important detail, I wondered why I felt this way more strongly here in Mexico than back home. While back home, you all know I am very passionate and motivated about my work, I am even more so here. Almost over the top, for example when I get frustrated with myself when I don't understand everything right away or I can't pronounce things perfectly. Maybe I'm like this right now because I feel so fortunate to have this amazing opportunity offered to me and I want to get the most out of it. But the reality is that we are offered an amazing opportunity every day and we often take it for granted. It is so true that we create our own reality.
I finally feel like I'm more grounded, that I'm me again and not a little feather in the wind. There are still a number of challenges I'm facing and I know there is much to learn, but the important thing is that I am stronger. Instead of trying to spend all my time figuring out what the heck is going internally and externally, I can now focus on cultivating awareness.
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